A letter from Justin:

hI IM jUSTIN AND IM REALLY GAY.i THINK ABOUT YOUR HOT CLOWN ASS EVERY NIGHT WHILE IM RUBBING COTTON CANDY AND SILLY STRING UP MY ASS. It feels so good i cant get enough hot clown balloon cock. Please email me back with your clown products and clown sex silly stuff. I am so gay!! I painted my ass like a clowns face and when I spread my cheeks my poop shoot looks like mouth, well silly me ha ha ha he he he. Enough about myself, im interested in your crazy clown antics. If you dont like gay silly clown cock I guess I can settle for a clown pussy.

Justin

A letter from a mysterious and inappropriate Dad:

My 6 year old son has a birthday coming up and he asked for a clown to
stop by and "blow up balloons" and i said, "Shut the fuck up, Bob. You aint
getting no god damn birthday party or no fuckin clown. Hey, don't touch
that....I SAID DON'T TOUCH THAT!"
Well, anyway. He did want a clown for his birthday a week (or was it two
weeks) ago, so i was wondering if your up for that. All you really need to do
is dance and look dumb...and possible use your whip on the damn kid if he
leaves his cage or tries to eat any food off the ground.

Another, sent on 1/31/2001... where this guy tells me why he loves clowns so much

OUCHY,
HERE GOES:IM 11 YEARS OLD IN MILITARY SCHOOL IN NC OUR CLASS WENT TO
GREENSBORO NC FOR A SCHOOL OUTING. TO THE WORLD OF MIRTH SHOW!! LOTS OF
CLOWNS.THE SHOW WAS OVER AND I GOT SEPARATED FROM THE REST OF THE
CADETS,THERE WAS A LOT TO SEE SO I JUST STARTING LOOKING AROUND. I WENT
BEHIND A SMALL TENT AND TRAILER AND THERE HE WAS THE MOST HANDSOME CLOWN IN
THE WORLD. WE BOTH STARED AT EACHOTHER FOR A MIN. HE ASK ME WHAT I WAS DOING,
I SAID I WAS LOST. Well, HE ASK ME IF I WAS HUNGRY I SAID YES. WE WENT INTO
HIS TRAILER, I COULDN'T TAKE MY OFF OH HIM. IT WAS MY LUCKY DAY, HE HAD TO
CHANGE INTO ANOTHER COSTUME!!!!!!! well, I GOT MY 11YEARSOLD EYES FULL. I HAD
NEVER SEEN A DICK THAT BIG IN MY LIFE, HE SAW ME LOOKING AT HIM I KNEW I
WANTED TO DO SOMETHING BUT DIDN'T KNOW HOW. HE HELPED ME ALONG WITH THAT. WE
MESSED AROUND FOR A LITTLE
WHILE. THEN HE ASK ME TO SUCK HIM. I DID AND I LOVE IT, IT WAS MY FIRST TASTE
OF CUM.THE CLOWN WAS THERE FOR 5 DAYS SO I LEARNED A LOT ABOUT CLOWNS..MY
LITTLE BUTT WAS SO WORKED OVER I COULD NOT SIT DOWN, BUT I LOVED IT.THE SHOW
MOVED ON BUT MY DREAMS ARE STILL WITH ME..I CAN STILL SMELL THE SMELL OF A
CLOWN AND LOVE TO SUCK THEIR DICKS SO I HOPE I GET TO SUCK YOU SOON.WOODY
Another amusing one 2/27/200 from Sunshinetangerine:

                Hey you're one sick puppy!  When you were little, did u want to grow up
to be some sick clown with straight razor shavings?  Is that what u chose
on career day?  Is this a family business?  Just wondering!  I might want
to get in touch w/you, this seems like an interesting business, that i
would like to participate in someday(maybe!)!  Well, email me back at:
              
                sunshinetangerine@yahoo.com
I appreciate this ole' Ouchy!  I enjoy what you do, it makes me proud to be
an american! I was thinking about bringing you in for show and tell, or
maybe for career day, can i say that you are maybe my dad or something?
I've always wanted an adult entertainer as a father.  Well, maybe I'll get
in touch with you later!  Bye!
One of my faves... from Teller of Penn and Teller

Ouchy,

Thanks for your note.  Very nice to meet you at the party, also.  I certainly hope someday to see you in full action.
Cordially,

TELLER
P.S.  Please keep my email address under your hat, so to speak.
4/11/2001 from Tabula Raza

Hi Ouchy!  Like I mentioned above, you're a goddamn freak, and I want to
marry you.  I like your sexy photos.  At first they made me laugh, but then
I realized that the laughter was making my face hurt.  It was then that I
realized that you are a sexy genius and I want to be punished with lame
clown tricks, and have balloons tied around my balls!  Also I'd like to talk
seriously with you about DJing a show at my bookstore in July.  We're having
an ASS CARNIVAL!!!  I'll give you more details if you write back.  Your
spot-on irreverence intrigues me, and your presence at my store would
provide lots of painfully clownish fun.  I am not bullshitting you, I sell
lots of bondage/erotic/weirdo material, and our special events are uhm,
unusual.  Clowns make people feel absolutely horrible and so I applaud your
efforts to cut to the chase, so to speak.  A bondage clown DJ titillates my
imagination in ways I can't explain.  Your pal in San Diego, Sasha Tai.
By the way, your T-shirt needs the rest of your body on the front, and on
the back a picture of you wielding a mace-shaped balloon over a group of
terrified, crying children.
Funny one from 7/26/2001:

U R SO CONFUSING!!!!i dont get it y do u beat ppl up?or like i dont get it r
u like hired to stalk ppl r u a hitman?
From CiRcUsiS4Me on 11/7/2001:

just want to tell you I just jerked off to your pic of you on your website ytou turn me on soo much
From Pinkerton on 11/27/2001:

ouchy,
i'm your biggest fan! one of these days i would like to meet you, but i am utterly afraid that you will be disappointed with me. i've never actually been spanked by a clown, although i've often fantasized. picture this for romantic: a warm spring afternoon, lounging in a lavish garden... the ambrosian aroma is overwhelming. your german shepherd sits beside you, fondling your balls. then i walk in, wearing nothing but a thong and a hat that reads "kiss the cook." you can create your own ending.

i often have dreams of clowns dancing under the moonlight. i know you must feel the same because of the path you've chosen. just what is behind those leather straps and under the thick layers of make-up? do i even have a chance or has someone else already passed through the heavenly gates??? please write me back... even a word from those fingers will sustain me...

your dearest fan,

pinkerton

From Derek on 12/17/2001:

Are you Jewish? Would you like to get together and spin dreidles with me? You can shave my pubes
derek

From LAF on 1/30/2002:

Ouchy,

I think you rock the muthahfuggin' house. When I get married, I want you
to DJ my wedding in CT. I will pay extra for you to whip my grandmother
during "Who let the dogs the out."

LAF

From Marky (a client) on 2/9/2002:

I also wanted to thank you for the wonderful time I had last week. There were many firsts for me and I think some of them are world's firsts. For example, I wonder if a quadrapeligic had ever been beaten by a clown with a rubber chicken before. The zipper marks are almost gone now, but I'll always remember the fun I had on my introductory experience with BDSM.

Mark

From Ian on 4/5/2002:

Dear Ouchy,

   You are one sick person. I think you need help.help


Ian
From Amflover on 5/1/2002:

hey there ouchy!! i love you i think ur sexy i want you to dominate me while u shave my leg hairs!! and I want you to sodomize me with ur foot!!! i love you~~~~

love AMFLAVOR

From Spodabe on 6/6/2002:

I wish I lived in your area, I hire you in a heartbeat.  I just finished
watching your interview with "Ulf", absolutley hilarious.  I can't say why,
but there's just something about a man in evil clown make-up, you know?
Hey, have you come across any other wicked clown sites remotely close to
yours?  I've been sitting here on my ass in front of this damn screen for
almost four hours and you are, so far the only person I've found who seems
to be into the whole clown fetish thing.  I suppose there's just not a whole
lot of us out there.  Oh well, a girl can dream, can't she.  Oh! You may be
curious to know a little about who's been babbling to you and why.  Well, my
name's Jill.  I'm 20, tattooed, pierced, cropped black hair, blue-gray eyes,
married, and a mother to a one year old boy.  For as long as I can remember,
I've always had a thing for evil clowns (you should see my artwork, mostly
paintings and Flash art for tattooists, which I'm happy to announce I will
be learning next year, tattooing, that is).  I finally came across your site
and I just had to stop and let you know that I think you rock! (to put it
mildly.)  I'm really diggin' the outfit, the make-up, the whole thing, you
know, and I just wanted to compliment you for being you.  If I ever make my
way out in your neck of the woods I'll give you a ring, although most likely
it won't be for a few years but what're ya gonna do, hmm?  Thanks for taking
the time to read my rambelings (if that's how you spell it) and if you feel
like it, write me back.  I'm still gonna be a homemaker for the rest of this
year so I've got some spare time on my hands to keep in touch.~

Spodabe

From AJ on 2/10/2003:

I could not believe my eyes...

A clown in S&M garb, pushing his "talents" for commercial use?

Are you serious?  Do you do children's birthday parties?  What are your superpowers?  Can you save the world?

If these questions cannot be answered, then I've deduced that you are nothing but a sick fuck.  Have you considered a career change?  Maybe I'm wrong in assuming that this is your full time job.  If so, have you climbed the corporate ladder to Assistant Shift Leader at McDonald's?  What if your mother knew about this?  How much would I have to pay you to remove yourself from the public eye?  Can we all pay you to stay home?  You are a loser. 
You should serve the consequences for being the epitome of the term "Fuck". 
Thank you for your time.

AJ

From Grandad Luke on 6/15/2003:

Lo, I'm currently in an old folks home and things need to be livened up. I enjoy poaching poultry and wocker penises.

Grandad

From Shehan on 6/ 12/ 2003:

Are you gay or something or do you just like rubbing your penis on other men? I mean, theres nothin' wrong with that I just saying [sic] though. And how do you look without the makeup.

Shehan